Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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