If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
