When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
