Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
