Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
