Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
