ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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