I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
