his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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