Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
