I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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