Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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