On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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