and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
