isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
