Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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