so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
