I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
