Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
