And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
