if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My bed smells like the plague
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
