it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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