she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
