I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
