summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
