Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
