why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
