honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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