**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
