fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
