How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
