you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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