Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize