It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
