I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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