How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
