All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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