Non-Jews are for practice
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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