he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love having hate sex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
