How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
