Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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