party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't think brook has ever known best
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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