school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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