Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
