he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
