she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize