hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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