pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
