I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
