Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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