I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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