She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pants are for mortals
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
