I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
