i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
