We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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