Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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