Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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