i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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