This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
