I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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